I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
