This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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