He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
