omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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