I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
