I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
