Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
