i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
