So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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