my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
