i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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