Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
