Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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