Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
