I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
