can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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