So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
