do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
