after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
