I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
