Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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