So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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