Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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