He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
