i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
