that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
