sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
