I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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