Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
