I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
