my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
