i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
