quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
