I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
