when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
