I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
