Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
