yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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