help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there's paper in my vomit.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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