once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
