lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
