bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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