rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
