If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
