she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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