I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
