she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
