I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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