A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
