the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
