It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
