i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
