After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
