I think my fart just growled at me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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