You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
