still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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