tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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