Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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