ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
